This is a story that, quite frankly, is disturbing only in the sense that it is viewed as novel or unusual. New Jersey principle, Anthony Orsini, sent a mass e-mail to parents of his middle school students that pleads with them to disallow their children from social networking sites, such as Facebook. If you have children in middle school, this information is vital for you to possess and could work to keep your loved one from harm. I recommend reading the entire article and weighing both sides of the debate.

His rationale is that children between the ages of 11 to 14, in many cases, lack the wherewithal to respond appropriately to negative comments directed at them. They also lack restraint, in many cases, when it comes to joining in or piling on; which is one of the factors that made the cyber bullying of Phoebe Prince so overwhelming for her to handle.

Under the same rationale, Principle Orsini also recommends that text messaging either be restricted or not allowed, since much of the cyber bullying is based in texting as well as mobile logins to the social networking sites via cell phone or other mobile devices, such as the iTouch:

Recent research found that out of about 4,000 students between the ages of 12 and 18 representing 41 different schools, 20 percent of them admitted to cyber bullying others in their lifetime. In this case, “cyber bullying is when someone repeatedly harasses, mistreats, or makes fun of another person online or while using cell phones or other electronics devices.” And it would appear that adolescent girls are more susceptible to this behavior than other demographics, with 25.8 percent claiming to have been the victim of cyber bullying at least once in their lifetime, versus 16 percent of adolescent males.

The entire text of the e-mail is available for review and critique below:

Dear BF Community,

In 2002 when I arrived in Ridgewood Facebook did not exist, Youtube did not exist, and MySpace was barely in existence. Form spring (one of the newest internet scourges, a site meant simply to post cruel things about people anonymously) wasn’t even in someone’s mind.

In 2010 social networking sites have now become commonplace and technology use by students is beyond prevalent.

It is time for every single member of the BF Community to take a stand!

There is absolutely no reason for any middle school student to be a part of a social networking site!

Let me repeat that – there is absolutely, positively no reason for any middle school student to be a part of a social networking site! None.

5 of the last 8 parents who we have informed that their child was posting inappropriate things on Facebook said their child did not have an account. Every single one of the students had an account.

3 Students yesterday told a guidance counselor that their parents told them to close their accounts when the parents learned they had an account. All three students told their parents it was closed. All three students still had an account after telling their parents it was closed.

Most students are part of more than one social networking site.

Please do the following: sit down with your child (and they are just children still) and tell them that they are not allowed to be a member of any social networking site. Today!

Let them know that you will at some point every week be checking their text messages online! You have the ability to do this through your cell phone provider.

Let them know that you will be installing Parental Control Software so you can tell every place they have visited online, and everything they have instant messaged or written to a friend. Don’t install it behind their back, but install it!

Over 90% of all homework does not require the internet, or even a computer. Do not allow them to have a computer in their room, there is no need.

Know that they can text others even if their phone doesn’t have texting capability, either through the computer or through their Ipod touch.

Have a central “docking station” preferably in your bedroom, where all electronics in the home get charged each night, especially anything with a cell or Wi-Fi capability (Remember when you were in high school and you would sneak the phone into your bedroom at midnight to talk to you girlfriend or boyfriend all night – now imagine what they can do with the technology in their rooms).

If your son or daughter is attacked through one of these sites or through texting – immediately go to the police! Insist that they investigate every situation. Also, contact the site and report the attack to the site – they have an obligation to suspend accounts or they are liable for what is written.

We as a school can offer guidance and try to build up any student who has been injured by the social networking scourge, but please insist the authorities get involved.

For online gaming, do not allow them to have the interactive communication devices. If they want to play Call of Duty online with someone from Seattle, fine, they don’t need to talk to the person.

The threat to your son or daughter from online adult predators is insignificant compared to the damage that children at this age constantly and repeatedly do to one another through social networking sites or through text and picture messaging.

It is not hyperbole for me to write that the pain caused by social networking sites is beyond significant – it is psychologically detrimental and we will find out it will have significant long term effects, as well as all the horrible social effects it already creates.

I will be more than happy to take the blame off you as a parent if it is too difficult to have the students close their accounts, but it is time they all get closed and the texts always get checked.

I want to be clear, this email is not anti-technology, and we will continue to teach responsible technology practices to students. They are simply not psychologically ready for the damage that one mean person online can cause, and I don’t want any of our students to go through the unnecessary pain that too many of them have already experienced.

Some people advocate that the parents and the school should teach responsible social networking to students because these sites are part of the world in which we live.

I disagree, it is not worth the risk to your child to allow them the independence at this age to manage these sites on their own, not because they are not good kids or responsible, but because you cannot control the poor actions of anonymous others.

Learn as a family about cyber safety together at wiredsafety.org for your own knowledge. It is a great site. But then do everything I asked in this email – because there really is no reason a child needs to have one of these accounts.

Please take action in your on home today.

Sincerely,
Anthony Orsini
Principal, BFMS

I have to agree, totally, with Mr. Orsini, that access to social networking should be removed from middle school students for the reasons cited. They are too young to display consistent responsible behavior in most cases. There is no need for them to have access for school or other legitimate purposes. The less time they spend on cyber relationships, the more time they will have to participate in and to learn social skills and appropriate behavior as they mature and are forced to deal with real life, face to face issues that are part of everyday living for everyone.

I would like to see our school committee and the individual principles at all of our middle schools get involved with this issue and with the parents of students effected by, created by or participating in cyber bullying. I would also like to see our law enforcement authority work in partnership with the school principals and the school committee by being invited to lecture students on the hazards of social networking and the consequences of cyber bullying. This is, in my opinion, most important during student’s middle school years as a means to help prepare them for legitimate computer and technology use throughout their high school years.

For more information on “Formspring.me” click here.